I get it. The internet is a weird place. It wasn’t part of your formative years, yet here you are, navigating Facebook (sorry, “Meta”) like it’s your digital second home. And honestly, that’s fine. You should be here. Everyone should have access to a place where they can keep up with family, read the news and, if we’re being honest, waste an obscene amount of time scrolling.
But there are rules.
And unfortunately, most of you missed the memo.
So, in an effort to make the internet a less cringeworthy place, here’s your guide to not embarrassing yourself online.
1. Stop Engaging with Every Single Post That Triggers an Emotional Reaction
Yes, I know. You have thoughts and feelings and opinions about everything from politics to pop culture to the weather. But not every post needs your input.
For example, I’m from Buffalo. Huge Bills fan. I love Josh Allen as much as the next guy. But guess what? Josh Allen does not need my congratulations on his engagement. He doesn’t see my comment. His fiancée doesn’t see it. No one sees it.
And yet, under every sports post about him, I see thousands of people flooding the comments with heartfelt well-wishes as if he’s going to pause mid-workout, scroll through, and say, Wow, thanks, Janet from Lackawanna! Your support really means a lot.
Spoiler: He’s not.
So stop.
2. Political Comments? Just Don’t.
Not once in the entire history of the internet has someone changed their political stance because you replied to a CNN or Fox News post with your hot take on taxes or immigration. It has never happened. Not once.
But do you know what does happen? You waste hours arguing with strangers who don’t care about your opinion, while your blood pressure spikes, your stress levels go up, and suddenly, you’re in a full-blown keyboard war with a guy whose profile picture is a bald eagle wrapped in an American flag.
You have one foot in the ground already. Do you really want to spend your remaining years battling trolls in a comment section?
3. Stop Commenting on Every Single Post Your Kids Make
Look, I love that you’re proud of your kids. That’s great. But not everything they post needs your enthusiastic digital applause.
If your adult son shares a picture of his brunch, you do not need to comment, “Yum! Looks delicious! Love you! ❤️”
If your daughter posts a vacation selfie, maybe don’t reply, “Looking beautiful, sweetheart! Stay safe! Text me when you land!”
They know you love them. They do. But they also know you exist outside of social media, and their friends see this stuff. Just text them. Please.
4. Enough with the “Good Old Days” Nostalgia Posts
Yes, we know. Things were better back in your day.
Gas was cheap. Kids played outside. You didn’t have to lock your doors. The local diner had real milkshakes and people actually talked to each other instead of staring at their phones.
But guess what? We’re not going back.
Unless you and Doc Brown have been tinkering with a time machine, it’s 2025, and progress is a thing. Complaining about it on Facebook isn’t going to reverse inflation, bring back rotary phones, or make kids interested in lawn darts again.
Adapt. Or, at the very least, save the nostalgia for your next family dinner.
5. Stop Posting Cringe-Worthy Chain Messages
No, Facebook is not going to start charging you $4.99 a month to keep your account active.
No, your profile does not need some weird, legally-binding paragraph stating that Meta can’t use your photos.
No, if you share that blurry JPEG of a golden retriever with an angel halo, it does not mean you “love your dog in heaven.”
And for the love of all things holy, stop falling for scam giveaways. Nobody is giving away a free Ford Bronco “just because.”
Final Thoughts
Look, you’re here. You’re online. That’s cool. You’re part of the conversation, and that’s great.
But for the sake of your dignity, and your kids’ sanity, take a beat before you engage.
Does your comment add value? No? Then delete it.
Would you say that thing out loud to a room full of people? No? Then don’t post it.
Would your 30-year-old son rather die inside than have his coworkers see you commenting “So proud of you, sweetie! ❤️” on his LinkedIn post? Then for the love of God, resist.
The internet is a jungle. Move wisely.
