There comes a point in every man’s life when no one really asks how he’s doing. Not in a cruel or obvious way. It just stops being part of the conversation.
You grow up. You take on responsibility. You get married. You become a father. And slowly, without noticing, you become the one who’s supposed to hold it all together.
You’re the provider. The protector. The one who shows up no matter what. People expect you to be steady. Solid. Predictable. So you stop talking about how you’re doing. Because no one asks. And when they do, they’re not looking for the truth. Not really.
Tell me this.
When was the last time someone looked you in the eye and asked if you were alright?
Not at work. Not during a networking lunch. I mean really asked. Without checking their phone. Without rushing through it. Just a quiet, steady moment of care.
And if you’re married, when was the last time your wife asked what’s wrong? Not because you were acting off or disrupting the flow. Just because she genuinely wanted to know what was going on inside you.
That quiet? That stillness? That’s what most men live with.
We live in a world that makes room for women to be vulnerable. To break down. To speak up when something feels off. And rightfully so. But that same space doesn’t exist for men. We’re told to be strong. To be stoic. To take it on the chin and carry the weight. Day after day. Year after year.
And as fathers, we give everything. Time. Energy. Attention. Sacrifice. We give without asking for anything back. We put our needs on hold. We keep our struggles quiet. Not because we want a medal. But because it feels like part of the job.
So we bury it.
We bury stress under routine. We cover sadness with sarcasm. We push depression down and keep moving. And when it finally starts to break through, we’re told to shake it off or suck it up. Because someone else has it worse. Because life is hard for everyone.
And yeah. Life is hard.
But that doesn’t mean it should be lonely.
That doesn’t mean your pain doesn’t matter just because you’re a man. It doesn’t mean you should have to suffer in silence just to be seen as strong.
But here’s the problem. By the time most men realize how empty they feel, they’ve been silent for so long they don’t know how to ask for help. They’ve been ignored for so long they don’t know what it means to be heard.
And it breaks my heart.
Because I know so many good men who are exhausted. Who show up every day. Who work hard, love deeply, and carry so much without complaint. And no one ever stops to say thank you. Or ask how they’re doing. Or remind them that they don’t have to do it all unseen.
So if you’re a man reading this, I see you. You are not weak for feeling tired. You are not broken for needing a break. And you are not less of a man for wanting someone to care.
And if you’re someone who loves a man, ask him how he’s doing. Really ask. You might be the first person who has in a very long time.
If no one’s asked you how you’re doing lately, let me be the one to say it. I hope you’re holding up. But if you’re not, that’s OK. You’re not alone.
